But it got better.
Chapel was right after my test and it was awesome. The worship was beautiful and the message so perfect. It was about how God can't sleep. He won't sleep. He doesn't sleep. Such a beautiful message about when God is silent, it doesn't mean He's gone or sleeping - in the stillness, He is there. In the silence, incredible growth can happen. Hearing that He is always near and always with us is such a cliché, but when you allow yourself to take that in - to deeply think about that absolute truth - your life is forever changed.
Because now you KNOW you are never alone. Now you KNOW God hears all, sees all. Now you KNOW God controls everything.
Sometimes in the silence, God is the closest to us. Sometimes when we don't see Him, He is closer than ever before.
I remember hearing a beautiful story about a man who walked with the Lord. In his life, he saw two sets of footprints in the sand; his own, and God's. And when life got tough and he felt ever so weak and like he couldn't go on, he only saw once set of footprints. His immediate thoughts were that God had left. God had abandoned him when he needed Him most. And when he got to the end of that rough season of life and saw God's footprints once again beside his own, he asked the Lord "Why did you abandon me when I needed you most?" And the Lord God said "My child, I will never leave you nor forsake you. I have never left you nor forsaken you. In your time of trouble and weakness when you saw only one set of footprints, those were mine. I held you in my arms and kept you safe. I loved you and protected you just as I have promised. Even in the silence, even in the stillness, I am here. Forever."
Isn't that such an incredibly beautiful picture of what our lives are? My outlook on life is completely different.
We all go through phases of being on fire for Christ and feeling so close to Him, and then feeling so distant. But to know that even when He feels so far away, He is right there, it's the best the feeling in the world. Holding you in His comforting arms, His arms of love, forgiveness, healing, and joy. Even when we don't see Him, He IS there. Closer than you think.