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Far from what I once was, but not yet what I'm going to be

Friday, November 18, 2011

It's About To Get Real Up In Here

So I was thinking about Bible times. And how something as simple as meals were so important! I mean, meals and eating are still important today, but it's not the same. Eating in Jesus' day was a time of fellowship. Meals lasted extended amounts of time and it was a time of love and laughter, friendship and fellowship. Today, we have "fast-food" everywhere. We live in a society where everything is so quick! No one has any patience, people want what they want RIGHT NOW. It's sad. It's disgusting.
I feel like friendship and fellowship in Jesus' day was so much cooler. So much more meaningful. So much was put into relationships back then. Both parties had to give. Both parties had to receive.
I feel like in our society now, people are so superficial. They ask "How are you?" But they don't really want to hear everything you're going through. They don't want you to spend 10 minutes telling them how you're REALLY doing. They just expect an "I'm good! How are you?" And they reply in the same way.
I want my relationships, my friendships, my LIFE to be meaningful. I want to share my thoughts, my feelings, my excitements, my sadness, my EVERYTHING with the people I love. I want meaning.
So over the past few months, I've really examined my "friends." I asked myself what seemed like such simple questions, "What is a friend?" and "Who are my friends?" My discoveries were shocking.
This is how I answered "What is a friend?"
  • A friend is someone who cares enough to ask me how I'm doing and not want that superficial "I'm good. How are you?" answer, but who wants the real answer. How I'm feeling. What I'm going through. My happiness. My sorrow. My struggles. My pain. My everything. And who answers my questions in the same way.
  • A friend is someone who is always there for me. No matter the day, the time, or where I am. They will always be there for me and always comfort me and have my back.
  • A friend is trustworthy, honest, loyal, kind, fun, and someone who I can share my secrets with. Someone who won't judge me for the mistakes I make, the actions I take, or words I say.
  • A friend loves.
This is how I answered "Who are my friends?"
  • Jesus
  • Nate
  • Andi
A pretty sad list right? It sure made me sad! It hurt too! All of a sudden, I had this realization that none of my friends were really friends at all. They were acquaintances. They were a good laugh and a good time. But when it came down to it, they weren't there for me when I needed them the most.

My senior year of high school was THE hardest year of my life. I suffered in my mind, body and spirit. Suffering that I couldn't expect. That I wasn't ready for. I was so taken by surprise. Hospital visit after hospital visit after hospital visit. Procedure after procedure. Betrayal, rejection, and doubt to a whole new level.

But in the pain, I found healing. In the darkness, I found light. And in the hatred, I found love. A love that never fails. A love of which I was so undeserving. I rediscovered the love of my Savior and grew more in that year than I had in my 18 years of life thus far. I found meaning in my life. I found meaning in my relationships. I found the love of my life. Jesus Christ. Who will never leave me. Never forsake me. Who will love me when I least deserve it, because He knows that's when I really need it. Who will forgive me no matter how big my mistakes. No matter how I mess up, He will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS pick me up when I fall, carry me when I can't go on, love me unconditionally, show me mercy, and forgive me.

So beautiful right?

So today, I am new. I'm not the person with the most friends in the world (as you can see from the list above) but I have come to realize that the amount of friends does not matter nearly as much as the deepness and closeness of the friends you do have.

I'm not here to tell you my life is sad. Or that I am depressed. Because it's not, and I'm not. I consider myself to be the most blessed person I know. I am so incredibly in love with my boyfriend beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I have the most amazing family in the world - they're crazy, but they're awesome. And I have developed more friendships. Real friendships. And they are blossoming and I am loving life. I can't begin to thank Jesus enough! Or Nate! Or Andi! I love you all with my whole heart and I would die for each of you anytime, any day.
XOXO

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