Plans & Priorities

If there's one thing I've learned over the last year -- just one -- it's that I can make all the plans I want, but Jesus will probably wreck them and turn them into something even more beautiful than I ever dreamt possible.

But before the beauty comes pain. Before the beauty is brokenness. Your plans are wrecked, remember? It hurts. It's hard. You have dreams and hopes and expectations; & it all comes crashing down before your very eyes.

And there He is. Jesus. To pick up all the pieces of my broken heart and shattered dreams. Smiling. Arms stretched open. He IS comfort. He IS strength. He IS joy. And He gives these things to me & He pieces my heart back together and places new hopes and new dreams in me that are now founded in Him and are so much greater.

A year ago my plans were simple. My dreams were small. My priorities were mixed up. It took a broken heart, some shattered dreams and my Jesus piecing me back together so much more beautifully than before to realize these things.

I stand here today a different woman. A woman grounded in faith, hope, and love. A woman who is bold and courageous to do the uncomfortable and face the impossible -- with God at my side. A woman who listens to the Lord, not man.

I stand here today with a new plan, to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. . ." Matthew 28:19-20

It's a year later and I have a whole year of experiences under my belt. Experiences full of the Lord's presence and grace. Experiences full of the Lord's love and comfort. It's a year later and I finally have my priorities straight. I can say that with confidence.

So when different people come at me and tell me to get my priorities in order -- I can confidently say, "they already are." Jesus told us to love God & love people. That's the priority. That's the plan.

""Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself."" Matthew 22:36-39

Psalm 112:7
2 Timothy 4:17
Zechariah 2:5

XOXO

Mzungu || Happy Birthday Mark

**Note: this post was written on June 22, 2014 but never published. Today seemed better. Happy birthday, Mark.

Who would have thought that the person who changed my life the most on this journey -- the one who left the most significant impression -- would be a white guy from South Carolina?

Let me tell you about Mark. (Mark if you're reading this, please don't kill me).

Mark changed my life without even knowing it. He softened my heart and changed me. And I never even told him that. What a shame.

Mark met The Lord 3 years ago and was transformed by His love, mercy and grace. I see Christ in Mark every day.

I see Christ in Mark's interactions with the mothers at the hospital - the way he is so gentle and kind to them, knowing they are afraid. I see Christ in Mark when he loves on the kids and makes them smile through their pain and adversity. I see Christ in Mark when he buys the street children chapati because they are too poor to eat tonight.

Mark changed my life and changed my heart with just a couple conversations and he never even knew it.

He used to work in the music industry. He worked with some pretty big names and he helped create a huge company that we've probably all heard of. He knew success. But he met The Lord and he knows that stuff isn't what matters -- and that's what I love about Mark. He said to me, "I make significantly less money each year working for CURE than I did before. But I would make the decision to leave that life and come here all over again because it's worth it. It's worth it every single day."

Now, Mark is the CUREkids Coordinator. He is a photographer and he writes stories for the CURE blog. He interviews the moms of the patients and asks them how they got to CURE, and all about the child and their journey. It's a pretty awesome job.

Mark gets it. He understands it's not about money. It's not about fame and fortune. It's about loving God's people -- and loving them well; which he does.

And if you could see Mark interact with the kids and the moms, you would understand. This man loves. He loves well. This man spreads joy like I've never seen. The children love him. The moms open up to him. Mark is so special. His life is a gift to all who know him.

In another conversation, Mark said to me, "I don't miss places and I don't miss things; I miss people." Again, Mark gets it. Things don't matter. In this life, material  things will rust and get destroyed, but people matter. Every life matters. We are called to love. Relationships matter. And Mark understands that.

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
(Matthew 6:19-21 ESV)

During my time in Uganda, I laughed a lot with Mark. He's such a joy to be around and I know he has found favor in the eyes of The Lord.

But another thing about Mark is that he has seen pain. He has experienced loss and heartbreak -- and he has remained faithful to The Lord in those times and been an incredible encouragement to me.

There are times when I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my heart and my head -- I want to write them all down but sometimes I just can't find the words. Mark was such an encouragement to me on this journey because I came across his blog. Through his blog, I was able to see into his heart; I saw deeper into his heart than I ever did speaking with him. In his blog, Mark wrote the words I struggled to write myself. He felt the same way I felt; and he so eloquently wrote it down. I found such comfort in his words and in his writing. I hope you will to.

Here is an excerpt from just one of my favorite posts on his blog: (click link below to read the whole post)

No one said this would be easy

 "When everything else falls apart, the gospel remains.  When you can't make sense of your life, the gospel still holds true.  When you feel abandoned, confused, worthless, stagnant, trapped, hopeless.  The gospel doesn't lose strength or power.  It isn't affected.  In fact, it's amplified.  Its light is brighter.

If there's one lesson that I'm constantly learning and being reminded -- it's that every life is worth it. Every life is a contribution. In a country with tremendous distance between social classes, feelings of inferiority radiate from guardians, villagers and beggars. We are not to disregard the lame or meek, yet we do. I see it everyday. I feel guilty. I feel sadness. I know that I want to love people, all people. Everyone is worth it. Not having money or a job or an education doesn't discount the worth of a person in Gods eyes. I want to see them through gospel lens. I want to see them as a child of God, worthy of time, encouragement, and sacrifice. It's where I feel most vulnerable and uncomfortable. When I don't know how to help or what to say. But it's also there that I feel God. I feel His presence. When I get someone to smile that has been cursed at, overlooked and ignored all day. When I treat people like people. With respect and dignity. We're all fallen. We all need grace. We are in the same boat. We could at least try to connect."

- Mark Barrett

These are the things I love about Mark. He's broken, he's flawed, he's imperfect; but he's learning and he's loving through it. He's selfless and he's generous. He's caring and he's giving and he has a heart of gold. He's adventurous and honest.

Mark,

I am so thankful for you. I am thankful for your humor. I am thankful for your joy. I am thankful for your adventurous spirit. I am thankful for your generosity. I am thankful for the lessons you taught me. And I am thankful for your wisdom.

I pray The Lord gives you clarity for your future. Know His plans for you are great. Know His plans for you are perfect and filled with life, love and adventure. I pray for your heart -- that you will be guided by our Father and hear His voice clearly. I pray you continue to heal the sick and proclaim the kingdom of God.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

XO

PS.  If I saw you in heaven, I WOULD know your name 

Next Big Adventure

Dear Friends & Family,

I recently had a mentor ask me, “When do you feel most alive?” I thoughtfully considered my reply and realized that I feel most alive when I answer the Lord’s call to go overseas and serve His people. Last summer, I was incredibly blessed with the opportunity to do just that – I answered the Lord’s call and I traveled overseas to Uganda for 7 weeks to intern at a Pediatric Neurosurgery hospital. Because of that experience, my passion for serving His people overseas was ignited even more; and I am excited to announce that in the summer of 2015 I will be travelling to Scotland to serve His people once again.

            In July 2015, I will be on a team with seven other women partnering with Young Life for 3 weeks in Scotland. We will be putting on Young Life camps for the local youth there.  Young Life recently purchased a campground in Crieff, Scotland and we have been blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the very first summer of Young Life camp.  The vision of Young Life is that every adolescent will have the opportunity to meet Jesus Christ and follow Him.  The mission of Young Life is introducing adolescents to Jesus Christ and helping them grow in their faith.  I can’t wait to be a part of this mission and this vision! Each year I seem to think the Lord is done with me doing mission work overseas – and each year He shows me He is just getting started.

             As you know, there are many moving pieces when it comes to trips such as this, and that is why I am writing you. First and foremost I would like to ask for your prayers. Please join me in praying for the kids that will arrive at this camp, that their hearts will be prepared, even now, to experience the Gospel in a very real way and that their lives will be forever changed. I would also encourage you to pray for the leaders and property staff, that the Lord may give them strength and knowledge to come alongside these campers and walk with them through their journey. Lastly, I would love to ask for prayers of provision for our team as we fundraise over the next several months. My goal is to fundraise $3,200.00. I would like to ask and encourage you to support this trip financially in any way that you can.  Any amount will be appreciated and I hope you will come alongside me in this next adventure. I wholeheartedly believe that The Lord will do big things through this camp and through our trip in reaching kids who long to know Jesus and I am honored to be a part of this advancement in the Kingdom.

            Thank you for taking the time hear about my life and what is coming in the next chapter. I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Love always,Cara Clancy

John 14:18​

Questions.

How was your trip? What did you do while you were there?

Two questions. Two simple, innocent questions. Questions I have been asked countless times. Questions that seem so easy, so harmless; why are their answers so difficult? Why are the words so hard to find?

It's difficult for many reasons. I begin to describe my trip and what I did, then I see the friend I am talking to start to lose interest. Do they really even want to know about my trip? Or do they just ask because they know it's how I spent my summer?

Those two months changed my life. I can't water it down. I can't give you a reader's digest version. It was 2 months FULL of love, FULL of life, FULL of healing, FULL of meaning, FULL of friendship, FULL of Christ. I don't ever want to downplay those 2 months.

But it's hard - it's so hard to put into words my experience.

Ernest Hemingway once said, "write hard and clear about what hurts." I do my best. Here is my greatest effort to capture the adventure of my life in Uganda. Why does it hurt? Because I'm no longer in Uganda. Because I left the people I came to love. Because the Lord broke my heart for what breaks His. Because my eyes were opened to the great need of so many people, while I live in surplus at home.

How was your trip?

Incredible. Amazing. Fantastic. Fabulous. Radical. Awesome. Stellar. Excellent. Spectacular.

What did you do while you were there?

I built friendships.

While in Uganda, I created lasting friendships. I still speak with my friends from Uganda regularly. The people there made a lasting impression on my life. They live in such a way that inspires me. They inspire me because they truly rely on The Lord to show up every day and provide for their every need. They are so  filled with joy. It was impossible to walk around the hospital or a village or into town without seeing several people smile. But these people truly cared about me. They wanted to know about my life and who I am and what I do and how I live. I became sick once I came back and they have covered me in prayer and ask almost daily how I am feeling and what the latest update is. I developed deep friendships with some of the most incredible people on earth -- and it happened in such a short time. I am so thankful for the conversations I had and the relationships I developed. The Lord was at work in each conversation and in each friendship.

Rebecca

Miriam. Spiritual Mother

Stewart.

Mark.

I shared Christ.

I was able to witness people give their lives to Christ. What a joyous occasion to be able to celebrate individuals enter the kingdom and become a part of the family forever! The week-long outreach in Gulu impacted me as much as it impacted the people we were teaching. They taught me just as much about love and faith and service as I could show them through the life of Jesus Christ in God's word. The small group conversations with the women in Gulu were truly incredible - they showed their faith as well as their faithfulness to The Lord. It was inspiring. I was touched and I saw The Lord show up several times as they shared personal stories. Our God is great.

I held babies.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I have always LOVED kids. KIDS. Never been a fan of babies. They cry and pee and poop and puke. Sometimes they're cute, but I've never had the urge to hold one. Until Uganda. Oh boy did I fall in love with hundreds of babies. They captivated my heart. I held babies and loved on them like the Father loves me. It was so heartwarming to see the moms of each child smile so big each time I held their son or daughter. It's not often someone outside the family wants to hold their child; so for an outsider to come and show their child love is a really big deal to them -- especially if their child has hydrocephalus or spina bifida. But how can you not love those precious babes? It's a direct look into the Father's heart. He loves them. I love them. Each child was so filled with joy. Oh how I love them. I wanted to keep them all.

Did I mention I love kids?

I worked in a hospital with the most incredible staff.

The staff at CURE Uganda is absolutely stellar. To have a group of so many incredible individuals in one workplace is like a dream come true. I fell in love with each person I met. They all extended such a warm welcome and they exuded the love of Christ both to me as well as to each patient and their family. They truly are healing the sick and proclaiming the kingdom of God. These spectacular people taught me so much about medicine, life, and Christ. They are so selfless. They work long, hard hours and they truly do love each and every patient that is brought through the doors of CURE Uganda. Each patient received fantastic care because the doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, surgeons, and other hospital staff prayed over them and took careful care of them. It touched my heart and made me want to be a healthcare professional just like that in the future.

I was adventurous.

I was so blessed to be able to live a life of adventure. God created such beauty in His masterpiece called Earth. Uganda doesn't disappoint. Sipi Falls. The Nile. Jinja. Bungee Jumping. Hiking. It was all amazing and it all brought me closer to His heart. I crave a life of adventure. Uganda will forever be in my heart. I hope and pray that one day I may return.

XO

Ships and Anchors

Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure."

If our souls contain the anchor, then my heart is the ship. And right now I am shipwrecked. But there's hope. There's always hope.

I'm shipwrecked because I am no longer in Uganda, but I sure as heck ain't home. Where is home anyway? Home is just a word we use to describe a feeling, isn't it? "Home is wherever I'm with you." "Home is wherever we are if there's love here too." The list goes on. . .

But me -- my heart is in so many places, with so many people. My love is all over the world. Part of my heart is in America, part of my heart is in Jamaica, part in Guatemala, and part is in Uganda.

I'm shipwrecked. I'm a nomad. A wanderer; without a home. But that's okay -- I'd rather it be that way and have love. I'd rather be a nomad without a home and have parts of my heart in different countries than only be in Phoenix.

My life is full this way. The journey is long. Sometimes it's dark. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you fall. Sometimes I'm scared. Sometimes I feel alone. But I have hope. I know I will eventually see light. I know my burden will lighten. I know my Father will pick me up. And I know I am being held ever-so-tightly.

I saw a lot when I was living abroad -- a lot of things that were heavy on the heart. But nothing compares to the emotions of coming home. It's the hardest part of the whole trip. I struggle with anger, anxiety, deep sadness, and other emotions I can't even put into words.

I didn't want to leave Uganda. I never wanted to leave. I don't want to go back to "normal" life in America -- where people feel entitled, where people complain about anything and everything, and where we have way too much. I don't want that life.

I want a life where I eat beans and posho everyday because that's all I can afford. I want a life where I live in a hut that I have to smear cow dung on. I want a life where I rely on The Lord for my every need -- instead of relying on myself.

But I'm learning that I can live like that anywhere. I don't have to be in Africa to live a life fully reliant on The Lord. I don't have to be in Africa to live a life that is poor in the world but rich in the kingdom of God. I can live like that anywhere. And what a statement to live like that in America -- where it's all about money, material things and "making it" on your own. I will not conform to the patterns of this world.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

My heart hurts coming home. But God is good. He knows my heart. He understands my pain and he knows my suffering. He hurts with me and comforts me. He is teaching me so much.

I'm thankful for this storm that is weathering my heart. I am thankful He is my anchor. I am thankful for the hope He gives me each day to carry on and know that loving His people is all I'm called to do. I am thankful for the ship that is my heart -- even though at times I feel shipwrecked, I will never sink.

Thank you Father for sharing your people with me for 7 weeks. Thank you Father for showing me Your heart. Thank you Father for letting me love like you do.

XO

Learning and Journeying

It's been a journey, this whole process.

I've been gone exactly 44 days now and it's been the most incredible time of my life. It's amazing how 44 days can change you.

In 44 days I have loved, I have learned, I have laughed, I have cried.

44 days and I'm not the same girl that boarded the plane in Phoenix that day. My eyes have seen things, my ears have heard things, my heart has encountered and felt things I never could have imagined.

It's hard to process everything that has happened, but as I sit here in the comfort of the guesthouse on the CURE hospital grounds, I feel at peace.

The journey that is my life in Uganda began long before I boarded the plane in Phoenix. It was weeks and months of preparation for such a monumental time of my life. It seems that with every big, monumental spiritual journey I go on with The Lord, I happen to go through the dark places first. And this journey was no exception.

It was hard leading up to this trip. I was nervous, I was anxious, I was broken and hurting. But in the dark places is where the Lord's light always shines the brightest. He never fails. His love is sufficient. He is enough. He never ceases to amaze me.

I read a book while living here in Uganda. This book is called "Kisses from Katie" and it is written by a young woman named Katie Davis who left her life in America and moved to Uganda. She moved here to become a teacher for what she thought would only be a year - but turned out to be permanent. She adopted 13 precious daughters and now runs a ministry called Amazima that helps support women in her village in Jinja get back on their feet.

In her book, Katie's words spoke deeply to my heart as I was beginning my journey. She said,

"I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all, the murder had to take place before the resurrection.

I'll be honest: the hard places can seem unbearable. It's dark and it's scary, and even though I know God said He will never leave or forsake me, sometimes it's so dark that I just can't see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side. He whispers to me to be thankful, that even this will be for His good.

It takes awhile sometimes, coming out of the dark place. Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy. And a funny thing happens when I realize this: I want to go to the hard place again. Again and again and again."

So the weeks leading up to my trip were hard. They were emotional and at times they were dark. But The Lord took me by the hand and led me out of that place. He took me on a journey across the world to a land with broken people. He showed me His heart in a way I have never before experienced. And on this journey, He has taken me out of the dark places and brought me into His light. He has brought me such joy. Because on the other side of sorrow is joy.

Let us remember that The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. He doesn't waste pain.

I was learning these things on my way to Uganda -- and these lessons have been so essential to my everyday life.

I see children with hydrocephalus and spina bifida everyday. I see children with brain tumors. I watch as mothers hear the news that their child has cerebral palsy and cannot be treated here. 

But The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. God doesn't waste pain. It's in the dark places that His light shines the brightest.

Here in Uganda, I have experienced life and death in ways I never had before. I woke up one morning to the loudest wailing I have ever heard. A mother had lost her 22 year old son in the night. He passed away in surgery. It was a trauma case and this particular patient came to us in very bad shape. I later found out this man was married with 6 children.

But The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. God doesn't waste pain. It's in the dark places that His light shines the brightest.

Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light. Christ shares in our sufferings. He does not apologize for our heartache, but He shares it -- even better.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in The Lord."

(Psalm 40:2,3)

I wouldn't trade my journey for anything. There has been heartache and there has been pain; but those things have brought me to where I am today. The dark places bring me closer to the one who is the Light of the world. And for that, I am forever grateful. If it takes going through the pain and the dark places to know the love of my Lord better, then take me to the pain and take me to the dark places.

The dark places allow me to relate to the brokenhearted. The dark places allow me to have insight into what sorrow and pain look like; and I have learned how to cling to the One who will never leave or forsake me. Through this journey I have learned much that I can pass on to the broken and hurting mothers and families here in Uganda.

Thank you Lord for my journey. Thank you for the struggles; thank you for the pain. You have never left my side.

"When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you."

Footprints in the Sand

XO

Not Hydro

I will now take a break from my light-hearted posts of funny memories and moments of the trip to reflect on the deeper and more meaningful, life-changing parts of this journey.

Day one working in the hospital, I was working with Dr. John and we took a patient and his mother into the medical examination room. The appointment started out normal - just like the previous 5 patients we had seen that day.

This patient was 9 months old and lay there in his mother's arms expressionless. As the mother explained to Dr. John her concerns with the child, she seemed hopeful and joyful -- for she was at the best neuro hospital in the country and knew her son would receive great care. This mom spoke Luganda - the native language - so Dr. John had to keep translating back and forth between me and the mother so I could understand what she was saying. Throughout their whole interaction, all I could do was just stare at the beautiful baby boy laying in his mother's arms. He lay motionless, expressionless; the entire time.

This didn't seem like hydrocephalus. She didn't mention a growth on the back indicating spina bifida. What did this precious boy have?

Finally, Dr. John looked at me and said "I think this child has cerebral palsy." We ran some tests to confirm. He was sure. He then translated to the mother and explained the condition of the child to her. I watched as her face dropped. The smile I had seen throughout the entire appointment was gone - and I wouldn't see it again. She didn't look Dr. John in the eye. She didn't look at her sweet son. She stared out the window with a stern face.

Dr. John proceeded to tell her that CURE does not have the resources available to treat cerebral palsy patients and we would have to refer them elsewhere. After explaining this and the child's condition in great detail -- still without any eye contact from the mom -- Dr. John asked her if she understood. She grunted in agreement and stood up and walked out the door.

My heart broke in that moment. The mother that came in to our exam room so hopeful and joyful, walked out a different woman.

I see so many success stories here at CURE -- so many. But this particular case on day one really hurt my heart. Could we do nothing for them? Did we really have to send them away? I know the regional and government hospitals are poorly run and they would not receive great care. But CURE is such a specialized hospital - and cerebral palsy doesn't fall into the category of treatments done here. 

But my heart.

And then I think of the success stories we have here at CURE. Every day we have victories and triumphs. Everyday lives are saved and healed because of Jesus Christ and because of His power in those who work here.

Sometimes it hits me. The immensity of it all. There is so much need - and I am one person. I am inadequate. And I knew that coming here. But sometimes when I work so hard to make one child smile or make one child feel loved, my heart breaks all over again for the thousands that live each day without knowing what being loved feels like and that go a whole day without a smile lighting up their precious faces. 

And then The Lord comes in a still small voice and whispers to me that this one is enough. It's enough that this one is feeling His love. Because that love is eternal. Eternal.

XO

The Love.

I've been putting this off. This last post about Guatemala. I don't want it to end. I know it's silly for me to hold it in and not express my emotions, my feelings, my experiences with THE LOVE. But part of me felt like writing the last post, meant that it was really over.

But it's not.

It's not over. It will never be over in my heart. My life was forever changed by this trip. My view on love was forever changed by this trip. I was forever changed by this trip.

So here we go. To talk about love. A love few have ever experienced. Few will ever experience. And I was blessed enough to see that love in action. And to be right smack dab in the middle of it.

From day one working in the village, high on that mountain, among the clouds, I felt something unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling that tore down all the walls I built up around myself. Broke through all my insecurities and uncomfortable-ness (I realize this is not a real word. Don't care). Made me forget all of the bad things in the world, and simply see the beauty all around. This feeling was amazing. And happy. And forgiving. Not afraid. Not judgmental. Boundless. Unconditional. Unending.

This was love in its purest form.

I felt loved like never before by people that didn't even know me! And I shared this love for them as well - people I had met 5 minutes prior. I was absolutely in love with them. These children. These adults. These Guatemalan people who wore the brightest, biggest smiles I had ever seen. People who were more generous than anyone I had ever met even though they had much less "stuff" than anyone I know.

These new loves of mine understood life. They understood that LOVE in its purest form is above all else. Love never fails. Love never gives up. Love covers a multitude of sins. LOVE CONQUERS.

This love was contagious. I saw it in the eyes of Ruth. I saw it in the eyes of Raul. In the eyes of Dr. Gomez. Hugo. Marvin. Everyone! This love filled my heart with a joy I could not contain. This love filled my eyes with tears because I had never seen or felt or experienced something so beautiful.

Loves

This love made me forget all of the bad in the world. This love made me focus on the good in everyone and everything. This love was REAL. No words can describe it. Just writing about it fills my heart and my eyes the way it did each day I saw my Guatemalan friends.

It's impossible for me not to smile at this one :)

It hurts my heart knowing they are far away. But are they really? They all left fingerprints on my heart. They each have a special place in my heart forever. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my loves in Guatemala - especially with the earthquake that struck not too long ago. I pray that the Lord protects them as I know He will.

I miss my girls

My Guatemalan friends showed me what love really means. They showed me the true meaning and the true image of love. In its purest form. And even though I know no earthly love can even compare to the Father's love for us, their love was the closest I have ever seen or experienced to God's love.

<3 most loving sibling in the world

Their love was joyful and patient and kind. There love was generous and pure and honest. Their love was gentle and peaceful and good. Their love was selfless and faithful and indescribable. I wish everyone could experience a love like this. It's so special to me and all who experienced it.

Pure joy

I want to love like them. A love that lasts. A love that endures. A love that never fails, never gives up, and had no bounds.

I love you <3 - Raul

XOXO

Kisses and Collapses

It's no secret that I have a favorite speaker. He also happens to be my favorite author. His name is Josh. . . Josh Riebock. Have you heard of him? Maybe I've told you about his book I read. It's called "Heroes and Monsters" and I believe it's a book we should ALL read at some point.

Well anyways, Josh paid a visit to Grand Canyon not too long ago. I am always so eager to hear him speak and share God's Word with me. You see, Josh is so. . . real. He's real. He's a broken man with real problems and real struggles. He doesn't stand up in front of everyone and act all high and mighty. He's real. He's raw. He's personal. He's relate-able. And I love it.

So he came to speak. I was so excited to hear him and brought Nate along with me. It was a Tuesday night. One I won't soon forget. See, Josh has a way of bringing you to tears. Not just me - everyone. Remember how I mentioned he's relate-able? There's something about being able to relate to a person; to their struggles, their heartbreak, their fear, their dreams, their life. And that's what he did. He read us a narrative he had written. It's now my favorite and I will save it forever.

Kisses and Collapses by Josh James Riebock

Behind the church, I kissed you with my eyes open. It was just so hard to believe that you were real. Were you?

It was night and the air was hot and the moon let us walk beneath her bright skirt, so we did. We walked on and on into forever, two tiny specks mingling with the stars, all of history, even angels. Crossing the street, you took my hand and we stopped. Traffic stopped too, cars honking their horns, the angry shadows of people behind glass cursing and shaking their fists at us, in such a hurry to arrive at places they didn't want to be. We didn't want to be anywhere else. The light turned green and horns kept honking and right there you told me that you loved me and this time I had to close my eyes. For some reason it hurt to hear. No, I wasn't imagining that you were someone else. I was imagining that I was someone else. Someone who deserved you. Someone who could be what you needed.

Time brushed by against our cheek.

We bought a home and soon it collapsed. So we rebuilt it. And it collapsed again. I knelt in the dust and bent nails of our life together and I cried. You bent down next to me and you laughed, and said that we should find a place where homes can't collapse. Where is that? I had to know. You said that place is wherever we are. Then I cried again. In the rubble I saw our collapse, and you saw our foundation. Is there a difference?

Soon our youth ran off.

We became gray. We grew shorter. Life shrank around us. And we didn't know how to stop it. Maybe that's why we fought. I shouted. You held your breath. I folded my arms. You combed your hair. Our faces turned red, but I kept my eyes open. I had to see your expression. Did you look at me the same as you did that night behind the church? After all these years, and all these kisses, and all these collapses, were you still real? And could you make me real too? Did I even want you to?

I needed you to love me. I needed you to let me go. But you never did. Somehow you always smiled through your pain, and wept over mine. And in the silent wake of our wars, you held me close and I felt safe. Safe from myself. I wanted to climb inside your chest, close the doors behind me, and lock myself inside, hidden away within someone who cared for me.

The end came more quickly than we thought it could. No one really believes in the end. But when it arrived for us, I asked it to give me one more minute with you. Just one.

Then I looked for a final time over our worn, sunken shoulder, through every page that we wrote together, through every poem and every bruise, every kiss and every collapse. I inhaled each one. And when I reached the last page of our lives, I tore it out, folded it neatly, and tucked it inside my lips. Then I leaned over and kissed you, whispering, Here is our story...

A thousand times I threw in the towel. A thousand times you picked it up, and used it to wipe the quit from my eyes.

WOW. How beautiful! After reading us this narrative, Josh described that all forms of love are found in it. But most importantly, GOD's love.

"A thousand times I threw in the towel. A thousand times you picked it up, and used it to wipe the quit from my eyes."

XOXO

The Work.

Once again, apologies for the ridiculous chunks of time that pass between my posts.

It's late September and I'm still trying to wrap up some posts on a June mission trip!

But as we all know, life gets crazy sometimes - and NOW is that time for me.

The Work.

The work we did in Guatemala was far greater than any other mission trip I have been a part of. It was also the first trip where I could physically SEE the difference we were making. I could SEE the progress and mark we were leaving on this village. And it never ceases to fill my heart with warmth and love as well as fill my eyes with tears of joy and blessing.

What my team and I did in Guatemala was build a new church for the people of this small (in land) but large (in population and love) village. SO COOL. Being a part of this work was amazing. Never in my life did I expect to be a part of a construction team or project. I mean look at me. Think about it. . . People like myself aren't really cut out for this kind of work. But as one of my favorite quotations states "God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called."

It was so obvious to me that I was being called to be a part of this team, this mission, this work. I heard the Lord loud and clear. I felt Him tugging on my heart strings like never before. I NEEDED to do this. And boy am I glad I listened to His call.

I have never experienced God the way I did on this trip. I was in a tiny village I had never heard of before, being the hands and feet of Jesus to people who loved Him like I had never seen.

Talk about CRAZY LOVE!

It's still amazing to think I was a part of building something that the body of Christ will gather in and praise His name! Day after day. I know it's not about me. But it's such an incredible feeling to know that I am the most unlikely person to do this sort of work, but God qualified me for the job - and I did it! Not in my power, but in His.

And I felt the Lord blessing ME while He was blessing these people through my team and I. My heart is so full from this trip. STILL. It literally changed me. These people made a mark on my life that will never go away. My heart is branded by them forever.

And the Lord threw a little something my way on the trip as well. You see, it's always been a dream of mine to do medical missions. And one day of this trip, I was able to work in the medical clinic. That day is forever ingrained into my memory. I don't speak Spanish. Like at all. But the Lord miraculously gave me the words to speak with the doctor and the patients and understand what was going on. I was able to take their vitals and listen to their symptoms and how the doctor diagnosed them. It was heartbreaking hearing the stories of what happened to these people, and even more heartbreaking to hear how much time had passed since their symptoms began. . .

Months, YEARS even. And they never saw a doctor. They don't have that opportunity. And that is exactly what drives my dream of medical missions. People that NEVER get to see a doctor and live with pain and agony from childhood, well into adulthood and live through the pain.

But it was amazing to be a part of this medical experience for them. AMAZING. A dream come true. And I love that my dream came true through helping others. There's nothing like it.

The work we did there was visible, but also personal. I left feeling so full of love, blessing, and that I truly, truly helped. And these people are the warmest, friendliest, and most loving people I have ever met. I want to be like them.

I love her :)

Pressure's on!

My favorite trainer (Marvin) and Frank!

Love these little faces

Before

Nice work ladies!

Dramatic shot

Best teammate ever

Progress

TROUBLE

Is that a smile?
That means we're doing good, right?

Romelia

Little Samuel. Adorable as ever.

Nick work Frank, Seth and Esteban!

Break-time hike

Seth with our unbelievable trainers!

Team Perfection.
Most beautiful walls award goes to. . .
MORGAN AND CARA

Chop that block Ryan!

My Ruth.

Team Awesome.
Ryan, Me, Marvin (our incredible teacher)

Re-bar (?) haha I think

Medical Clinic!
(This is the dentist at work)