Ships and Anchors

Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure."

If our souls contain the anchor, then my heart is the ship. And right now I am shipwrecked. But there's hope. There's always hope.

I'm shipwrecked because I am no longer in Uganda, but I sure as heck ain't home. Where is home anyway? Home is just a word we use to describe a feeling, isn't it? "Home is wherever I'm with you." "Home is wherever we are if there's love here too." The list goes on. . .

But me -- my heart is in so many places, with so many people. My love is all over the world. Part of my heart is in America, part of my heart is in Jamaica, part in Guatemala, and part is in Uganda.

I'm shipwrecked. I'm a nomad. A wanderer; without a home. But that's okay -- I'd rather it be that way and have love. I'd rather be a nomad without a home and have parts of my heart in different countries than only be in Phoenix.

My life is full this way. The journey is long. Sometimes it's dark. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes you fall. Sometimes I'm scared. Sometimes I feel alone. But I have hope. I know I will eventually see light. I know my burden will lighten. I know my Father will pick me up. And I know I am being held ever-so-tightly.

I saw a lot when I was living abroad -- a lot of things that were heavy on the heart. But nothing compares to the emotions of coming home. It's the hardest part of the whole trip. I struggle with anger, anxiety, deep sadness, and other emotions I can't even put into words.

I didn't want to leave Uganda. I never wanted to leave. I don't want to go back to "normal" life in America -- where people feel entitled, where people complain about anything and everything, and where we have way too much. I don't want that life.

I want a life where I eat beans and posho everyday because that's all I can afford. I want a life where I live in a hut that I have to smear cow dung on. I want a life where I rely on The Lord for my every need -- instead of relying on myself.

But I'm learning that I can live like that anywhere. I don't have to be in Africa to live a life fully reliant on The Lord. I don't have to be in Africa to live a life that is poor in the world but rich in the kingdom of God. I can live like that anywhere. And what a statement to live like that in America -- where it's all about money, material things and "making it" on your own. I will not conform to the patterns of this world.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2 NIV)

My heart hurts coming home. But God is good. He knows my heart. He understands my pain and he knows my suffering. He hurts with me and comforts me. He is teaching me so much.

I'm thankful for this storm that is weathering my heart. I am thankful He is my anchor. I am thankful for the hope He gives me each day to carry on and know that loving His people is all I'm called to do. I am thankful for the ship that is my heart -- even though at times I feel shipwrecked, I will never sink.

Thank you Father for sharing your people with me for 7 weeks. Thank you Father for showing me Your heart. Thank you Father for letting me love like you do.

XO

Goodbyes aren't easy.

Have you ever been to the beach, standing in the waves just admiring the beauty around you - when all of a sudden, the most powerful wave comes out of nowhere, catches you off guard and completely knocks you off your feet?

That's how I feel right now as CURE Children's Hospital of Uganda disappears in the rear view mirror of our van.

I feel blindsided and completely knocked off my feet. A wave just crashed into me out of nowhere when I was minding my own business admiring the beautiful people and beautiful places around me.

My heart hurts as I leave people behind not knowing if I will ever see them again; people who have left a mark on my life forever.

Goodbyes are never easy. Words never seem sufficient for my love and appreciation for the people I have met and built relationships with. But I consider myself so blessed to have built such deep friendships and sweet relationships that it makes saying goodbye so hard.

Is my heart wrecked? Absolutely. But I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful because it means my time in Uganda was well spent. The tough goodbye means my friendships are real and I have learned much and loved more. The difficult goodbye means I have been impacted greatly. What more could I ask for?

XO

Leap of Faith

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33 ESV)

I just love this story. What most people remember of this story is Peter's fear, which made him begin to sink. But what I see here is Peter's faith in the first place; Peter had to take a leap of faith to even step out of the boat, onto the water. Peter did have faith. Yes, he let fear and doubt creep into his mind once he looked at the storm around him -- like many of us do in our lives -- but he took the initial steps.

It is so important to keep our eyes on the One who does not sink.

On my adventure here in Uganda, I took a literal leap of faith. I went bungee jumping. 152 feet over the Nile river. You may think it's silly, you may call me crazy; but this was a leap of faith in my life.

This experience wasn't just a touristy thing for me -- it was symbolic. I often struggle with wanting to be in control of the situations in my life. I want to know the outcomes of scenarios and direct my own steps. But that's not how life works -- it's not how God intended it. I have to trust that His plan is perfect. So I leap. I leap into His loving arms, trusting in Him. I take a leap of faith.

As I stood up on the platform ready to take my leap of faith, the man who tied my feet to bungee cord asked me if I was nervous. I replied with, "yeah, a little bit." Obviously I was terrified. I have never been so scared in my life. He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "You will be fine. In the name of Jesus Christ, I say you will be just fine." It's just what I needed in that moment.

I chose to tandem bungee with my gal pal Tina. Yes, I was still afraid as Peter was. But I took my leap of faith. And in the name of Jesus Christ I say, I am just fine :)

I pray you take your leap of faith; whether it's a literal leap, or just trusting The Lord with His plans for your life. Let go and let God.

XO

Learning and Journeying

It's been a journey, this whole process.

I've been gone exactly 44 days now and it's been the most incredible time of my life. It's amazing how 44 days can change you.

In 44 days I have loved, I have learned, I have laughed, I have cried.

44 days and I'm not the same girl that boarded the plane in Phoenix that day. My eyes have seen things, my ears have heard things, my heart has encountered and felt things I never could have imagined.

It's hard to process everything that has happened, but as I sit here in the comfort of the guesthouse on the CURE hospital grounds, I feel at peace.

The journey that is my life in Uganda began long before I boarded the plane in Phoenix. It was weeks and months of preparation for such a monumental time of my life. It seems that with every big, monumental spiritual journey I go on with The Lord, I happen to go through the dark places first. And this journey was no exception.

It was hard leading up to this trip. I was nervous, I was anxious, I was broken and hurting. But in the dark places is where the Lord's light always shines the brightest. He never fails. His love is sufficient. He is enough. He never ceases to amaze me.

I read a book while living here in Uganda. This book is called "Kisses from Katie" and it is written by a young woman named Katie Davis who left her life in America and moved to Uganda. She moved here to become a teacher for what she thought would only be a year - but turned out to be permanent. She adopted 13 precious daughters and now runs a ministry called Amazima that helps support women in her village in Jinja get back on their feet.

In her book, Katie's words spoke deeply to my heart as I was beginning my journey. She said,

"I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all, the murder had to take place before the resurrection.

I'll be honest: the hard places can seem unbearable. It's dark and it's scary, and even though I know God said He will never leave or forsake me, sometimes it's so dark that I just can't see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side. He whispers to me to be thankful, that even this will be for His good.

It takes awhile sometimes, coming out of the dark place. Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy. And a funny thing happens when I realize this: I want to go to the hard place again. Again and again and again."

So the weeks leading up to my trip were hard. They were emotional and at times they were dark. But The Lord took me by the hand and led me out of that place. He took me on a journey across the world to a land with broken people. He showed me His heart in a way I have never before experienced. And on this journey, He has taken me out of the dark places and brought me into His light. He has brought me such joy. Because on the other side of sorrow is joy.

Let us remember that The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. He doesn't waste pain.

I was learning these things on my way to Uganda -- and these lessons have been so essential to my everyday life.

I see children with hydrocephalus and spina bifida everyday. I see children with brain tumors. I watch as mothers hear the news that their child has cerebral palsy and cannot be treated here. 

But The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. God doesn't waste pain. It's in the dark places that His light shines the brightest.

Here in Uganda, I have experienced life and death in ways I never had before. I woke up one morning to the loudest wailing I have ever heard. A mother had lost her 22 year old son in the night. He passed away in surgery. It was a trauma case and this particular patient came to us in very bad shape. I later found out this man was married with 6 children.

But The Lord uses everything and wastes nothing. God doesn't waste pain. It's in the dark places that His light shines the brightest.

Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light. Christ shares in our sufferings. He does not apologize for our heartache, but He shares it -- even better.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in The Lord."

(Psalm 40:2,3)

I wouldn't trade my journey for anything. There has been heartache and there has been pain; but those things have brought me to where I am today. The dark places bring me closer to the one who is the Light of the world. And for that, I am forever grateful. If it takes going through the pain and the dark places to know the love of my Lord better, then take me to the pain and take me to the dark places.

The dark places allow me to relate to the brokenhearted. The dark places allow me to have insight into what sorrow and pain look like; and I have learned how to cling to the One who will never leave or forsake me. Through this journey I have learned much that I can pass on to the broken and hurting mothers and families here in Uganda.

Thank you Lord for my journey. Thank you for the struggles; thank you for the pain. You have never left my side.

"When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you."

Footprints in the Sand

XO

Not Hydro

I will now take a break from my light-hearted posts of funny memories and moments of the trip to reflect on the deeper and more meaningful, life-changing parts of this journey.

Day one working in the hospital, I was working with Dr. John and we took a patient and his mother into the medical examination room. The appointment started out normal - just like the previous 5 patients we had seen that day.

This patient was 9 months old and lay there in his mother's arms expressionless. As the mother explained to Dr. John her concerns with the child, she seemed hopeful and joyful -- for she was at the best neuro hospital in the country and knew her son would receive great care. This mom spoke Luganda - the native language - so Dr. John had to keep translating back and forth between me and the mother so I could understand what she was saying. Throughout their whole interaction, all I could do was just stare at the beautiful baby boy laying in his mother's arms. He lay motionless, expressionless; the entire time.

This didn't seem like hydrocephalus. She didn't mention a growth on the back indicating spina bifida. What did this precious boy have?

Finally, Dr. John looked at me and said "I think this child has cerebral palsy." We ran some tests to confirm. He was sure. He then translated to the mother and explained the condition of the child to her. I watched as her face dropped. The smile I had seen throughout the entire appointment was gone - and I wouldn't see it again. She didn't look Dr. John in the eye. She didn't look at her sweet son. She stared out the window with a stern face.

Dr. John proceeded to tell her that CURE does not have the resources available to treat cerebral palsy patients and we would have to refer them elsewhere. After explaining this and the child's condition in great detail -- still without any eye contact from the mom -- Dr. John asked her if she understood. She grunted in agreement and stood up and walked out the door.

My heart broke in that moment. The mother that came in to our exam room so hopeful and joyful, walked out a different woman.

I see so many success stories here at CURE -- so many. But this particular case on day one really hurt my heart. Could we do nothing for them? Did we really have to send them away? I know the regional and government hospitals are poorly run and they would not receive great care. But CURE is such a specialized hospital - and cerebral palsy doesn't fall into the category of treatments done here. 

But my heart.

And then I think of the success stories we have here at CURE. Every day we have victories and triumphs. Everyday lives are saved and healed because of Jesus Christ and because of His power in those who work here.

Sometimes it hits me. The immensity of it all. There is so much need - and I am one person. I am inadequate. And I knew that coming here. But sometimes when I work so hard to make one child smile or make one child feel loved, my heart breaks all over again for the thousands that live each day without knowing what being loved feels like and that go a whole day without a smile lighting up their precious faces. 

And then The Lord comes in a still small voice and whispers to me that this one is enough. It's enough that this one is feeling His love. Because that love is eternal. Eternal.

XO

May Angels Lead You In . . .

As some of you may know, right now myself and a lot of people close to me are mourning the loss of a woman so dear to my heart. Connie Williams. I shared a facebook status about her passing yesterday and it was a very difficult day. I woke up to the news of her death. What a wake up call - literally a wake up call.

Bear with me as this is LITERALLY the hardest thing I've ever written.

Mrs. Williams was a teacher at Phoenix Christian at the time of her passing. She was at camp with her 5th grade students when she suffered a heart attack and died minutes later - away from her 3 sons and husband.

Let me tell you about my morning yesterday. I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my mom. I answered. The voice on the other end of the line was shaking and clearly holding back tears. Her words were "Mrs. Williams just had a heart attack. I don't know how she's doing, but please pray! She's at camp in Prescott with her 5th graders right now." *Hang up.* 

"God," I said, "You're in control. I know she'll be okay. Please. Please."

11 minutes later my phone rang again but I didn't hear it. I missed the most important call of my life thus far. How could I do that at such a crucial time? What was SO important? UGH. When I did get to my phone I saw a text. Two words. Never in my life did I think that two words could break my heart, my spirit, my day all at once. But those two words did. "She died," those two words said.

But I couldn't believe it. No tears came. This wasn't real life. It couldn't be. She was too young, too full of life and joy and love and Jesus! She had 3 kids and a husband! She was a teacher of 5th grade students at Phoenix Christian. A HUGE part of my child and adolescent life. Played a major role in my church. So loved by many. How could this be? No - she's not gone. This isn't real. It can't be. I won't believe it.

All day this was my thought process. It wasn't until last night that it hit me. Hard. The tears came. The memories came. The questions came. The heartbreak and the bitter pain came.

Mrs. Williams was a beacon of light around Phoenix Christian and around Bethany Bible Church. I never had her as a teacher, and she STILL had that much of an impact on me. I just wrote a toast for a wedding in October and I mentioned Mr. and Mrs. Williams in it! She and her husband have been a support in every mission trip effort I've been a part of. They have always cheered me on in all my sports. She always encouraged me in my academics when I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. She always inspired me to keep going when I felt like giving up. Her laugh and her smile were so infectious. She was a lover. She was an incredible wife and mother - such a family woman. The kind of woman I want to be when I have a family someday.

Her heart was so big and full. There really are no words to describe this incredible woman of God. And though those of us left here on earth have sadness and pain and holes in our hearts because an angel has been taken from us to sit at the side of God, we know she is no longer in pain. We know she is happier than ever and there are no more tears for her. We know there is a reason for everything and that God has a plan. We know that God can turn anything into good and we know that even the ugliest situations can be made beautiful in Him.

Mr. Williams says that she is dancing with Jesus right now . . . And I believe it :)

Jason Mraz says, "Music is our best medicine in a time of healing, as it is also our greatest weapon in the war against unhappiness.."

So I leave you with lyrics from some different songs, because my own words are not enough.

This is for you Mrs. Williams. We love you. You will never be forgotten.

"There's no one in town I know

You gave us some place to go.

I never said thank you for that.

I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,

so lucky, so strong, so proud?

I never said thank you for that,

now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,

I'd sing to you just one more time.

A song for a heart so big,

On sleepless roads the sleepless go.

May angels lead you in."
Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me

"When all is said and done

And I'm looking back upon this race I've run

And when my heart gives in

I know you'll be beside me precious friend

It's just the same from the beginning to the end

When all is said and done

And if I lose my way

And I wander down this open road for days

And if the sun should fall

And the dancing we once did becomes a crawl

Let the memories move like shadows on the wall

If I lose my way

When I'm coming home

And I walk across the bridge of death alone

I will fix my eyes on the one who's waiting at the other side

It's my old friend with countless others there beside

When I'm coming home

When all is said and done

And I'm looking back upon this race I've run

And when my heart gives in

I know you'll be beside me precious friend

It's just the same from the beginning to the end

When all is said and done"
Tyrone Wells - When All Is Said And Done

"Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven"
Eric Clapton - If I Saw You In Heaven

XOXO

The Love.

I've been putting this off. This last post about Guatemala. I don't want it to end. I know it's silly for me to hold it in and not express my emotions, my feelings, my experiences with THE LOVE. But part of me felt like writing the last post, meant that it was really over.

But it's not.

It's not over. It will never be over in my heart. My life was forever changed by this trip. My view on love was forever changed by this trip. I was forever changed by this trip.

So here we go. To talk about love. A love few have ever experienced. Few will ever experience. And I was blessed enough to see that love in action. And to be right smack dab in the middle of it.

From day one working in the village, high on that mountain, among the clouds, I felt something unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was a warm fuzzy feeling. A feeling that tore down all the walls I built up around myself. Broke through all my insecurities and uncomfortable-ness (I realize this is not a real word. Don't care). Made me forget all of the bad things in the world, and simply see the beauty all around. This feeling was amazing. And happy. And forgiving. Not afraid. Not judgmental. Boundless. Unconditional. Unending.

This was love in its purest form.

I felt loved like never before by people that didn't even know me! And I shared this love for them as well - people I had met 5 minutes prior. I was absolutely in love with them. These children. These adults. These Guatemalan people who wore the brightest, biggest smiles I had ever seen. People who were more generous than anyone I had ever met even though they had much less "stuff" than anyone I know.

These new loves of mine understood life. They understood that LOVE in its purest form is above all else. Love never fails. Love never gives up. Love covers a multitude of sins. LOVE CONQUERS.

This love was contagious. I saw it in the eyes of Ruth. I saw it in the eyes of Raul. In the eyes of Dr. Gomez. Hugo. Marvin. Everyone! This love filled my heart with a joy I could not contain. This love filled my eyes with tears because I had never seen or felt or experienced something so beautiful.

Loves

This love made me forget all of the bad in the world. This love made me focus on the good in everyone and everything. This love was REAL. No words can describe it. Just writing about it fills my heart and my eyes the way it did each day I saw my Guatemalan friends.

It's impossible for me not to smile at this one :)

It hurts my heart knowing they are far away. But are they really? They all left fingerprints on my heart. They each have a special place in my heart forever. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my loves in Guatemala - especially with the earthquake that struck not too long ago. I pray that the Lord protects them as I know He will.

I miss my girls

My Guatemalan friends showed me what love really means. They showed me the true meaning and the true image of love. In its purest form. And even though I know no earthly love can even compare to the Father's love for us, their love was the closest I have ever seen or experienced to God's love.

<3 most loving sibling in the world

Their love was joyful and patient and kind. There love was generous and pure and honest. Their love was gentle and peaceful and good. Their love was selfless and faithful and indescribable. I wish everyone could experience a love like this. It's so special to me and all who experienced it.

Pure joy

I want to love like them. A love that lasts. A love that endures. A love that never fails, never gives up, and had no bounds.

I love you <3 - Raul

XOXO

Kisses and Collapses

It's no secret that I have a favorite speaker. He also happens to be my favorite author. His name is Josh. . . Josh Riebock. Have you heard of him? Maybe I've told you about his book I read. It's called "Heroes and Monsters" and I believe it's a book we should ALL read at some point.

Well anyways, Josh paid a visit to Grand Canyon not too long ago. I am always so eager to hear him speak and share God's Word with me. You see, Josh is so. . . real. He's real. He's a broken man with real problems and real struggles. He doesn't stand up in front of everyone and act all high and mighty. He's real. He's raw. He's personal. He's relate-able. And I love it.

So he came to speak. I was so excited to hear him and brought Nate along with me. It was a Tuesday night. One I won't soon forget. See, Josh has a way of bringing you to tears. Not just me - everyone. Remember how I mentioned he's relate-able? There's something about being able to relate to a person; to their struggles, their heartbreak, their fear, their dreams, their life. And that's what he did. He read us a narrative he had written. It's now my favorite and I will save it forever.

Kisses and Collapses by Josh James Riebock

Behind the church, I kissed you with my eyes open. It was just so hard to believe that you were real. Were you?

It was night and the air was hot and the moon let us walk beneath her bright skirt, so we did. We walked on and on into forever, two tiny specks mingling with the stars, all of history, even angels. Crossing the street, you took my hand and we stopped. Traffic stopped too, cars honking their horns, the angry shadows of people behind glass cursing and shaking their fists at us, in such a hurry to arrive at places they didn't want to be. We didn't want to be anywhere else. The light turned green and horns kept honking and right there you told me that you loved me and this time I had to close my eyes. For some reason it hurt to hear. No, I wasn't imagining that you were someone else. I was imagining that I was someone else. Someone who deserved you. Someone who could be what you needed.

Time brushed by against our cheek.

We bought a home and soon it collapsed. So we rebuilt it. And it collapsed again. I knelt in the dust and bent nails of our life together and I cried. You bent down next to me and you laughed, and said that we should find a place where homes can't collapse. Where is that? I had to know. You said that place is wherever we are. Then I cried again. In the rubble I saw our collapse, and you saw our foundation. Is there a difference?

Soon our youth ran off.

We became gray. We grew shorter. Life shrank around us. And we didn't know how to stop it. Maybe that's why we fought. I shouted. You held your breath. I folded my arms. You combed your hair. Our faces turned red, but I kept my eyes open. I had to see your expression. Did you look at me the same as you did that night behind the church? After all these years, and all these kisses, and all these collapses, were you still real? And could you make me real too? Did I even want you to?

I needed you to love me. I needed you to let me go. But you never did. Somehow you always smiled through your pain, and wept over mine. And in the silent wake of our wars, you held me close and I felt safe. Safe from myself. I wanted to climb inside your chest, close the doors behind me, and lock myself inside, hidden away within someone who cared for me.

The end came more quickly than we thought it could. No one really believes in the end. But when it arrived for us, I asked it to give me one more minute with you. Just one.

Then I looked for a final time over our worn, sunken shoulder, through every page that we wrote together, through every poem and every bruise, every kiss and every collapse. I inhaled each one. And when I reached the last page of our lives, I tore it out, folded it neatly, and tucked it inside my lips. Then I leaned over and kissed you, whispering, Here is our story...

A thousand times I threw in the towel. A thousand times you picked it up, and used it to wipe the quit from my eyes.

WOW. How beautiful! After reading us this narrative, Josh described that all forms of love are found in it. But most importantly, GOD's love.

"A thousand times I threw in the towel. A thousand times you picked it up, and used it to wipe the quit from my eyes."

XOXO

The Work.

Once again, apologies for the ridiculous chunks of time that pass between my posts.

It's late September and I'm still trying to wrap up some posts on a June mission trip!

But as we all know, life gets crazy sometimes - and NOW is that time for me.

The Work.

The work we did in Guatemala was far greater than any other mission trip I have been a part of. It was also the first trip where I could physically SEE the difference we were making. I could SEE the progress and mark we were leaving on this village. And it never ceases to fill my heart with warmth and love as well as fill my eyes with tears of joy and blessing.

What my team and I did in Guatemala was build a new church for the people of this small (in land) but large (in population and love) village. SO COOL. Being a part of this work was amazing. Never in my life did I expect to be a part of a construction team or project. I mean look at me. Think about it. . . People like myself aren't really cut out for this kind of work. But as one of my favorite quotations states "God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called."

It was so obvious to me that I was being called to be a part of this team, this mission, this work. I heard the Lord loud and clear. I felt Him tugging on my heart strings like never before. I NEEDED to do this. And boy am I glad I listened to His call.

I have never experienced God the way I did on this trip. I was in a tiny village I had never heard of before, being the hands and feet of Jesus to people who loved Him like I had never seen.

Talk about CRAZY LOVE!

It's still amazing to think I was a part of building something that the body of Christ will gather in and praise His name! Day after day. I know it's not about me. But it's such an incredible feeling to know that I am the most unlikely person to do this sort of work, but God qualified me for the job - and I did it! Not in my power, but in His.

And I felt the Lord blessing ME while He was blessing these people through my team and I. My heart is so full from this trip. STILL. It literally changed me. These people made a mark on my life that will never go away. My heart is branded by them forever.

And the Lord threw a little something my way on the trip as well. You see, it's always been a dream of mine to do medical missions. And one day of this trip, I was able to work in the medical clinic. That day is forever ingrained into my memory. I don't speak Spanish. Like at all. But the Lord miraculously gave me the words to speak with the doctor and the patients and understand what was going on. I was able to take their vitals and listen to their symptoms and how the doctor diagnosed them. It was heartbreaking hearing the stories of what happened to these people, and even more heartbreaking to hear how much time had passed since their symptoms began. . .

Months, YEARS even. And they never saw a doctor. They don't have that opportunity. And that is exactly what drives my dream of medical missions. People that NEVER get to see a doctor and live with pain and agony from childhood, well into adulthood and live through the pain.

But it was amazing to be a part of this medical experience for them. AMAZING. A dream come true. And I love that my dream came true through helping others. There's nothing like it.

The work we did there was visible, but also personal. I left feeling so full of love, blessing, and that I truly, truly helped. And these people are the warmest, friendliest, and most loving people I have ever met. I want to be like them.

I love her :)

Pressure's on!

My favorite trainer (Marvin) and Frank!

Love these little faces

Before

Nice work ladies!

Dramatic shot

Best teammate ever

Progress

TROUBLE

Is that a smile?
That means we're doing good, right?

Romelia

Little Samuel. Adorable as ever.

Nick work Frank, Seth and Esteban!

Break-time hike

Seth with our unbelievable trainers!

Team Perfection.
Most beautiful walls award goes to. . .
MORGAN AND CARA

Chop that block Ryan!

My Ruth.

Team Awesome.
Ryan, Me, Marvin (our incredible teacher)

Re-bar (?) haha I think

Medical Clinic!
(This is the dentist at work)

The Food. The Generosity. The Christ-Followers.

Well, it's taken me far too long to wrap up these posts on Guatemala. . . I guess life has a funny way of getting us off track. But I'm back aboard the blog posting train! And we're gonna wrap up these last few posts on the greatest trip of my life.

The food.

Unbelievable.

It's like a fiesta in your mouth. (<--That was weird. . .) But really. I've never tasted such incredibly delicious and tasty food! EVER! Their cows and chickens didn't have whatever crap our cows and chickens have injected in them.

As I walked through the village each day, I saw chickens. I saw cows. The cows definitely didn't look like ours. . . They were skinny; and I mean SKINNY. You could see their hip bones (is that the correct term for a cow?). They looked unhealthy, buut they tasted great! They just grazed on the grass and whatever plants and such cows eat :)

Ready for our FIRST Guatemalan meal!!

STEAK! YUMMY!!
The green stuff is hot sauce. . . Boys will be boys I guess

This here is Seth - the model - with his steak
Always ready for a photo-op

A Guatemalan friend of mine, Hugo, told me that some crazy Americans he met once called Guatemalan cows fashion cows. Why? Because they're so dang skinny!

This is HUGO. Not a great pic. What can I say?
I'm no photographer

The chicken was also amaaaazing! SO.SO.SO.GOOD.

Chicken Caesar Salad. A classic.

Best soup in the whole world.
Not an exaggeration!

My lovely Morgan with her chicken salad!

This right here was tasty too!
 Pretty much a chicken enchiladain a bowl. SO GOOD.

The coffee = soo tasty!!

SO.DELISH. Cappuccino

Silly boys with their coffee.
But seriously, it's to die for!

Annd Seth is a barista. .  .
So he insisted on this shot.

The fruit. . . Like nothing I've tasted before. SO delicious! Juicy! Flavorful! Everything fruit SHOULD be. I don't think I can ever eat a pineapple here (at home) again. It just won't be the same.

SO FRESH AND SO GOOOOOD.
Pineapple. Cantaloupe. Watermelon. Papaya. Jell-O.
Yeah the Jell-O is random. . .

BANANAS!!

I don't even know. . . Chiles maybe?

OH.MY.WORD.
The orange juice is unbelievably good!

The avocados were unreal. SO fresh and SO good.

I thought I would gain a ton of weight on the trip the way I was eating. Funny things is I actually LOST 6 pounds!! (I didn't realize I had that weight to lose in the first place. . . hmm). Organic really DOES make a difference!

Chicken Alfredo! YUM!

Chinese food. In Guatemala. Yeah.

Ryan LOOOVES his hot sauce

Coca-Cola. A taste of home. And salad, YAY!

Oh I love bread.

Quesifritos.
Translation: Fried Cheese.
Also known as: Cheetos

Banana-Nutella Crepes.

BREAD! BREAD! BREAD!

This makes me gag a little.
A FIVE POUND BAG of mayo.
*cue gags now*

And milk. . . In bags. . . On a shelf. . . Not chilled. . .

Enough about me rambling on about the food. Now something a little more serious. . . Potatoes.

So the people in the village are poorer than you could even imagine. My heart BROKE for these people. Yet, they were the most generous, giving people I have ever met. So sincere and genuine with their gifts. Most of what they do is grow corn and potatoes. EVERYONE grows corn and potatoes.

The generosity.

So one day when my team was stopping our beautiful masonry work to have lunch, a man ran to his house and came back with a basket of cooked potatoes. Kinda like french fries. But the wedges. (Know what I mean? Kinda look like apple slices). Anyways, he offered the basket to our team. We were all taken aback at his generosity. These people are starving. Not in the way we use the word. . . When it's 20 minutes past our usual lunch time and we say "UGH I'M STARVING!!!" No. They are literally starving. They live each day not knowing if they will eat that day. Or the next. Or the next. Yet they offered this heaping basket of potatoes to us. Rich Americans who eat all day every day. And still aren't content. And then we complain about looking fat. A complaint these people only dream about.

Breaks my heart.

Where they live

But here's the thing. We can't really eat their food. You see, our bodies are used to such clean living conditions. We can't drink their water. They can't wash their hands. . . Catch my drift? But we ate them to show our appreciation. Pretty sure a couple people didn't feel too good after, but what can you do?

So then our team has a little meeting and decides, "HEY! Let's buy them a huge bag of potatoes!" (In retrospect this wasn't a great idea because they grow their own potatoes. . . don't know what we were thinking.) So we did. And we presented it to the people who gave us the potatoes. . . Next day rolls around. They cooked all those potatoes for us!! WHAT?! It's kinda funny to think about because they totally didn't get what we were trying to do. Or did they? They have such servant hearts, it blows my mind. They are the definition of what a cheerful giver is. These people are the woman in the story Jesus tells about how she gives two coins and her offering is the greatest because she gave ALL she had. These people gave us their ALL.

In church on Sunday, they washed our feet.
Like Jesus washed the disciples' feet.

Servant hearts.

Lisa, being the wonderful godly woman that
she is, grabbed a bucket and a towel and washed
their feet. It was such a beautiful thing.

And Mrs. Pellish was right at her side washing with her.

And Frank gave the jacket off his back.
AMAZING people on my team.

The Christ-followers.

It's so humbling. Makes me cry just thinking about it. STILL. And maybe that's because I'm just an emotional girl. Or maybe that's because I get it. I get what Jesus is asking us to do. I understand that these people who have NOTHING are so much stronger in their faith than I am. They TRULY depend on Him. For EVERYTHING. I want to be like that. Jesus tells the rich man to give EVERYTHING and follow Him. The people of the poorest village I have ever seen do this daily. Daily.

These people showed me and taught me so much in the week I shared with them. And it's so easy to just go back to my everyday life like the trip never even happened. It's so easy to go back to the way things were before and let the impact of the trip fade away. But my prayer is that daily I give EVERYTHING and follow Him. He gave everything for me. I owe Him my everything.

XOXO