Stones

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Well that's just not true. That's one of the biggest lies we've ever been told. Words have power. Words are like a hammer. They can be used to build something beautiful, or they can be used for destruction - to tear something down.

Lately, stones have had a symbolic place in my life. As I have unpacked different feelings/emotions and been able to process certain events and journeys in my recent life, I have come to realize I allowed my heart to become a heart of stone. I caught a glimpse of bitterness and my hard heart. It was an ugly sight to see in myself.

It took coming to a breaking point - a point of utter exhaustion and despair to finally look inward and see these things in myself. I couldn't understand why, in this moment, I didn't have the joy I always had in every other difficult circumstance.

"I'm so tired," I would say.

When I had typhoid, I took it head on with a smile on my face and the joy of the Lord in my heart. I didn't let it get me down. I didn't feel defeated. Every time I broke a bone, tore a tendon, was in the hospital or had to have surgery, the Lord gave me peace and joy and strength.

But this time was different. This time felt heavy. This time I'm tired. I'm so exhausted. I had come to a breaking point and finally looked deep within and saw the ugliness of my heart of stone. A heart of bitterness. A heart that needed to forgive and let go of past hurt.

The symbolic heart of stone really did some wear and tear on my body. I've been sick. I've been in so much pain. Finally, the doctors informed me - I have kidney stones. How ironic it's a stone. A stone that will cause much pain before my body feels better - but it's because I must face it, and wash the stone away before I can be refreshed and new again.

It's been a good season, though. Encouragement is never far away when you have the good mentors that I do. I find strength and encouragement in Psalm 71. I find encouragement in knowing that David - a man after God's own heart - struggled at times and had such deep pain and dark moments, even considered walking away at times, but never did; and the Lord commends him and considered David a man after His own heart.

And I find ultimate joy and encouragement today in this:

"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh."
Ezekiel 36:26 ESV

XO

Leap of Faith

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33 ESV)

I just love this story. What most people remember of this story is Peter's fear, which made him begin to sink. But what I see here is Peter's faith in the first place; Peter had to take a leap of faith to even step out of the boat, onto the water. Peter did have faith. Yes, he let fear and doubt creep into his mind once he looked at the storm around him -- like many of us do in our lives -- but he took the initial steps.

It is so important to keep our eyes on the One who does not sink.

On my adventure here in Uganda, I took a literal leap of faith. I went bungee jumping. 152 feet over the Nile river. You may think it's silly, you may call me crazy; but this was a leap of faith in my life.

This experience wasn't just a touristy thing for me -- it was symbolic. I often struggle with wanting to be in control of the situations in my life. I want to know the outcomes of scenarios and direct my own steps. But that's not how life works -- it's not how God intended it. I have to trust that His plan is perfect. So I leap. I leap into His loving arms, trusting in Him. I take a leap of faith.

As I stood up on the platform ready to take my leap of faith, the man who tied my feet to bungee cord asked me if I was nervous. I replied with, "yeah, a little bit." Obviously I was terrified. I have never been so scared in my life. He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "You will be fine. In the name of Jesus Christ, I say you will be just fine." It's just what I needed in that moment.

I chose to tandem bungee with my gal pal Tina. Yes, I was still afraid as Peter was. But I took my leap of faith. And in the name of Jesus Christ I say, I am just fine :)

I pray you take your leap of faith; whether it's a literal leap, or just trusting The Lord with His plans for your life. Let go and let God.

XO

Rafting the Nile

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Pharaoh’s heart is hardened; he refuses to let the people go. Go to Pharaoh in the morning, as he is going out to the water. Stand on the bank of the Nile to meet him, and take in your hand the staff that turned into a serpent. And you shall say to him, ‘The Lord, the God of the Hebrews, sent me to you, saying, “Let my people go, that they may serve me in the wilderness.” But so far, you have not obeyed. Thus says the Lord, “By this you shall know that I am the Lord : behold, with the staff that is in my hand I will strike the water that is in the Nile, and it shall turn into blood. The fish in the Nile shall die, and the Nile will stink, and the Egyptians will grow weary of drinking water from the Nile.”’” And the Lord said to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Take your staff and stretch out your hand over the waters of Egypt, over their rivers, their canals, and their ponds, and all their pools of water, so that they may become blood, and there shall be blood throughout all the land of Egypt, even in vessels of wood and in vessels of stone.’” Moses and Aaron did as the Lord commanded. In the sight of Pharaoh and in the sight of his servants he lifted up the staff and struck the water in the Nile, and all the water in the Nile turned into blood. And the fish in the Nile died, and the Nile stank, so that the Egyptians could not drink water from the Nile. There was blood throughout all the land of Egypt. (Exodus 7:14-21 ESV)

I rafted the Nile. The very Nile that was once blood. Now, you may tell me that it was only turned to blood in Egypt, but just let me have this -- please.

My adventure that was rafting the Nile was... Terrifying, invigorating, incredible, and just downright legit.

I never realized I had a "scared face" until I bought the professional photos that were taken of us going down the rapids -- and I saw my facial expression in EVERY.SINGLE.PHOTO. I look like I'm about to cry // I am close to death. Mark joked that if a couple of the photos were cropped, it would look like I just received some really bad news. I'll let you decide for yourself.

Even though it was terrifying, it was SO much fun. We were on the water for a total of 6 hours -- with a lunch break somewhere in the middle. We went down different rapids, ranging from grade 3 to grade 5. [To put this in perspective, a grade 6 rapid is known as "suicide" and no one (not even the guides) are allowed to attempt them.] So grade 5 is pretty intense, to say the least.

I am so happy we got photos of this incredible adventure. It is an experience I will never forget in all my life. The Lord really created a masterpiece when He made the Nile. It's amazing.

Now, feast your eyes on these awesome photos. Courtesy of Nalubale Rafting.

Thank you for following my adventure // journey

XO

An Intro to Guatemala

It's been about two weeks since my return from Guatemala. I know there are many people out there dying to hear my report. And I apologize for the long delay. . . But it was necessary for me.

I'm going to bring my report to you in several different posts. My reasons?
ONE - there is too much for one post and no one wants to sit there for an hour reading it.
TWO - there are many stories to tell.
THREE - there are many people to be introduced.
FOUR - there are a few different cities to incorporate in my posts.
FIVE - it's going to take a lot to try and give you even a glimpse of what I experienced there.

I know no one will ever understand my attachment, emotion, memories, and the love I shared on my travels.  But here goes nothin'

You see, this trip was the greatest of my life. For so many reasons, and on so many levels. My return was not even bittersweet. It was all bitter to me. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to be home. The thought of not being in that village anymore with the people I came to love like family absolutely broke my heart. I literally could not even think about it without tears running down my little face.

Many people have asked the question, "Which did you like better - Jamaica or Guatemala?" And I feel that this is an unfair question BECAUSE they were so so different. BUT if I were to choose, I know without a doubt in my mind that Guatemala was my most favorite adventure.

Reasons Guatemala was my most favorite adventure:

• The people
• The places
• The beauty
• The food
• The work
• The love

Posts to come on all of these bullet points.

For now, a couple of pictures :)

Our team at the PHX airport at 3am for departure

On the plane to Guatemala City

Customs forms in Guatemalan airport

Annnd now a 5 hour drive to our hotel. Can you see
the excitement on our faces? BLAH

Taking Jesus everywhere we go

Everything's in Spanish! AH

I was a tiny bit tired

Wild turkeys running rampant!

We made it to the Hotel! Hotel 6

Boys and their guns...
Our security guard at the hotel

Never seen a shower head like this before...

So this is your intro to a very emotional, intense, deep trip that will forever be in my heart. Check back soon for more!

XOXO

Heartbreak, Closed Doors, and Jesus Led Me Here

As I mentioned in my post about Free to Laugh (which you should all go to by the way!!), there is a pastor at my home church that is very near and dear to my heart. BRAD. Brad is someone I have such respect for! Honestly, he is one of the people I respect most in the entire world. He just "gets it."

What do I mean he "gets it?" Let me tell you. Brad is someone who is so passionate about missions. Helping others. Sharing the love. Social justice. And so much more! I can't even describe his passion and his understanding for what we as Christians are not only called to do, but expected to do.

He gets me so fired up about ministry and missions and social justice and love and. . . You get the point. Soo as you can imagine, when Brad asks me to be a part of something, I am on board!
But wait. . .

I shared with him a few months back something that hurt my heart. I shared some news. News about something so important to me. So meaningful. A huge part of my life. A huge part of my being.

It broke my heart to sit and say the words that the Lord was calling me to do something other than go to Jamaica this summer on a mission trip. Jamaica sounds like all fun and games and beauty and vacation - think again. Just yards away from the resorts and "honeymoon capital of the world" is a third world country. A country in dire need of Jesus. In need of love. In need of clothing. Food. Clean water. Purpose.

Jamaica has been a part of my life for three years. And each year was a roller-coaster of emotion. Each brought new battles, new children, new love and a new outlook on life. It was extremely difficult to build the courage to tell BRAD of all people that I wouldn't be a part of his mission trip this year.

He understood completely.

I shared my heart about something else as well. My dream to do medical missions in Africa. It's a subject that is so close to me. Something I haven't really spoken to anyone about on a deep level. I knew he would share in my excitement and my passion. And I was right. He was so encouraging and excited for me. . .

So I began my search for a trip to Africa in summer of 2012.

Well, I found about 20 trips. INSANE right?! Wellllll hold up a second! Each and every one of them had a certain something that made me incapable of going. Whether it was age, deadline, or date. Whatever it was - all 20 trips were ruled out.

I'm gonna be honest with you; I was very discouraged.

Now, there's something you should know. Brad has mentioned a certain mission trip to Guatemala a handful of times over the past few years. Each time saying I would be the perfect person for such a trip. And each time, I dismissed the idea without a second thought. You see, it was a construction trip. And, well, HAVE YOU SEEN ME?! I'm clearly not cut out for that sort of work. . .

WELL, God has a funny way of working things out.

This year, the trip to Guatemala is a MEDICAL MISSION. Hold up - did I hear that right?! A medical mission?? YEP!! I heard right. Okay, now you've got my attention.

As Brad and I sat over coffee and he spilled the details about this trip, I knew right then it was what I've been waiting for. I knew right then, why God had closed the doors to Africa for me this summer. I knew right then what I was supposed to do.

Before agreeing, though, I told Brad I would pray about it and talk to my parents. I have done both. And it's official! Guatemala, HERE I COME.

(More details to come)

XOXO