Far from what I once was, but not yet what I'm going to be

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Honesty Hour

I am struggling. My heart hurts. I feel so selfish saying those words because I have everything. I have the love of my Lord and Savior. I have a roof over my head. I have a family who is supportive, encouraging and loving. I have incredible friends. I have enough to eat today and tomorrow and all week. I have money in my bank account.

Why is my heart so sad? Why am I so discouraged?

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God! (Psalms 42:11 NLT)

I'm struggling because I'm lost. I'm lost and confused and hurting. I've known since 5th grade what I wanted to do with my life. I had it all planned out. I was going to grow up and be a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. Well things change. Life takes a turn; but I was still on track to become a PA [physician assistant] -- and work in pediatric orthopedics. It's been my dream. Since fifth grade!

Well here I am. One year away from graduating with my bachelor's degree and I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm discouraged. I'm struggling. Is this really what I want to do? Is this what I'm made for?

I so badly want to live a life of purpose. I strive for a life of meaning. Will this life be the life I desire?

I have new dreams. Dreams to join the Peace Corps. Dreams to do the World Race. Dreams that give my life purpose and meaning. I want to help people in a tangible way. I want to be the hands and feet of Christ -- to the ends of the earth.

We all have seasons of life. Bright ones. Dark ones. Easy ones. Difficult ones. The highs and the lows. I know this is a season. A season of growth and change; one where I am discovering my calling.

I believe The Lord speaks. I just need to listen. He will guide my steps and direct my path.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27 ESV)

And the Lord came and stood, calling as at other times, “Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant hears.” (1 Samuel 3:10 ESV)

Speak Lord, your servant is listening.


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